


Flash, Bam, Alakazam!

by amaronith



Category: Fantastic Four, Spider-Man - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe, M/M, Speed Dating, Spideytorch Week 2017
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-01
Updated: 2017-05-01
Packaged: 2018-10-26 04:38:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,455
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10779729
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/amaronith/pseuds/amaronith
Summary: The problem with being a masked superhero, Peter thought, was that it made his dating life into a nightmarish hellscape. Then MJ signed him up for speed dating.Written for Spideytorch Week 2017 Day 1.





	Flash, Bam, Alakazam!

The problem with being a masked superhero, Peter thought, was that it made his dating life into a nightmarish hellscape of 'don’t bother showing up, I went home, we’re done’ text messages, and he could never really explain why he was late without it sounding fake (which it would be) or without outing himself as Spider-Man, which would be worse in the long run.  
  
Meanwhile, his friends (all of Mary Jane and Harry) were always worried about his disastrous love life and how he couldn't seem to hold down a girlfriend or a boyfriend (even when he had dated one of them and they both knew that Peter was a giant flake of a human being), and Aunt May was worried Peter was going to die alone and unloved and possibly under a pile of science textbooks that had fallen over on top of him and were most likely the cause of his death in the first place.  
  
Peter shook his head and groaned. “Tell me again what you did and why you thought this was a good idea?”  
  
MJ crossed her arms. After they had broken up, she had found out about Spider-Man (“This explains _so much_ about you, Tiger, you have no idea.” “Does it?” “Yes. And I am even more glad we broke up now, because being the civvie girlfriend of a superhero is not what I want for myself. I refuse to be kidnapped every other week by whatever masked crazy decides you are their personal nemesis.” “Fair.”) and while he was grateful that she stuck around after the fight they had had about it, it had made her more determined to find him someone to date. “I signed you up for speed dating, because even you can manage a fifteen minute date with someone before you go out in your spandex footie pajamas and high kick crime in the face.”  
  
Peter made a face. “Pajamas would be much warmer.”  
  
“That’s-” MJ sighed heavily. “ _The point is_ , Peter, that you will go to this thing, you will spend fifteen minutes with a bunch of different people, and maybe, just maybe, you will find someone willing to put up with your weirdness and date you.”  
  
“That’s. Wow, MJ. Wow. Thanks,” Peter said flatly, crossing his arms.  
  
“Just shut up and wear what I tell you to wear, Parker.”  
  
\---  
  
He showed up Friday night to the speed dating thing, ironically, on time, in the blue button down MJ said looked good on him, a pair of slacks that hadn't needed to be pressed (too badly), and a blazer that he hadn't remembered owning but fit him just fine. When he entered the room where it was being sponsored, there were several people milling in a group and sneaking glances over at a blond man leaning against the wall who Peter would’ve _sworn_ looked familiar.  
  
A woman with bottle red hair and a bright, almost terrifying too-wide grin came up to him with a clip board. “You must be Peter, right? I’m Tiffany! You’re right on time, we’re just about to get started!”  
  
Peter blinked at her and thought, perhaps a little unkindly, that she smiled like a possum did - baring her teeth as a warning to others. “Uh… right.”  
  
“Okay!” She chirped and raised her voice. “Okay, everyone! Let’s begin!”  
  
Peter felt the sudden urge to run as far as he could get from this place and never look back. Screaming optional.  
  
Tiffany explained the set-up, but Peter couldn't really follow it beyond “just go clock-wise around the room and sit with everyone for fifteen minutes”. Peter’s first fifteen minutes were spent with Starci (“Starci?” “Yeah, my dad was a hippie and mom wanted to name me after her sister, so Starlight and Staci - Starci.” “That’s… uh.” “Just call me Star.” “Then you can call me Moon Unit.” and _that_ made her nearly snort her water out of her nose, so Peter considered it a win), and she was nice, but they both agreed that they would be better friends than dates (and she promised to send Peter pictures of all her dogs in exchange for pictures of Spider-Man's butt, so he was clearly getting the better deal of the friendship).  
  
The next fifteen minutes were spent with Dale, who never even asked for Peter’s name. Peter got as far as “Hi, I’m-” before Dale started talking about how he came to New York to a _real actor_ on Broadway, but he was also writing and composing his own play about a guy who comes to New York to make it big (to be played by Dale, of course) and finds love and, really, Dale felt like he could just truly be _himself_ here in the big city, Newark was just _too small_ for him.  
  
_Newark is a half hour away on the train_ , Peter thought to himself, staring in horror at how Dale didn’t seem to need to breathe between sentences.  
  
Next was Theo, who had biceps bigger than Peter’s head and ran a dog rescue and also performed at Ren Faires (who Peter pointed in Star’s direction, because he was a good wingman like that).  
  
After Theo was Julianna, who just stared at Peter for two seconds before bursting into tears, and Peter spent the whole time sitting next to her and listening to her cry about her ex-boyfriend Brad - who honestly sounded like a complete tool, in Peter’s opinion, but Julianna thought he hung the moon and wouldn’t hear a word against him.  
  
Then there was Todd, who seemed perfectly nice and ordinary and even a little bland, but set off Peter’s spider-sense like a klaxxon in his ear and Peter swore to keep an eye on the guy after the event was over.  
  
Next was Amy, who spent the entire time glaring at him, and then her phone. “...is... there a reason you don’t like me, Amy?”  
  
“Do I need one?”  
  
Peter blinked. She had him there. “...I guess not.”  
  
After that, he ended up at the blond wallflower’s table. The blond looked him up and down with a slow smirk, and Peter could feel himself blushing as he sat. “Hi, I’m Peter Parker.”  
  
“Jonathan Storm - call me Johnny.” Peter tilted his head a little, and Johnny sighed heavily. “Let's get this out of the way now: yes, I am _that_ Johnny Storm.”  
  
Peter frowned. “I feel like I should probably know what you are talking about, but…” he shrugged.  
  
Johnny stared at him. “The Human Torch of the Fantastic Four?”  
  
_Oh._ The Human Torch - and, by extension, the rest of the Fantastic Four - was a legit, actual-facts superhero who could set himself on fire and fought cosmic world eaters, so he didn't really run in Peter's home town hero slash vigilante crime-fighting circle, and every time Peter had seen him before, the guy was on fire. Which was a shame, really, because _wow, gorgeous_.  
  
Instead, Peter said “Yeah, but I’m not on a speed date with The Human Torch, I’m on a speed date with Johnny Storm.”  
  
Johnny blinked those fantastically (ha!) blue eyes at him, like he wasn't expecting that, and smiled at him. “Well now. You're an interesting guy, aren't you, Pete?”  
  
Peter shrugged. “Not more interesting than you are, honestly. I mean, you could capitalize on the whole Human Torch thing and get a date that way - why this?”  
  
Johnny ran a hand through his hair. “I signed Ben up for this as a prank, but then he got a real date all on his own - I’m so proud - and Sue made me come in his place as a lesson in humility or something. What about you, Pete? Why are you here?”  
  
“My ex-girlfriend turned best friend was worried about my disastrous love life and signed me up for this to maybe find someone willing to, and I quote, ‘put up with my weirdness and date me’.”  
  
Johnny snorted. “Okay, so what makes you weird?”  
  
Peter wasn't sure how to answer that, not when all of Johnny's attention was focused on him like that, like nothing else happening mattered. “I, um, take pictures of Spider-Man.”  
  
“Really?”  
  
Peter nodded, and it felt weird, talking to an _actual_ superhero about his vigilante alter-ego. “Yeah, so I am constantly having to run off at the first sign of trouble to make sure I get good shots of the fight. Makes me very late to a lot of dates.”  
  
“...The Daily Bugle has the best shots of Spider-Man in town, so I hear,” Johnny said carefully. “Your work?”  
  
Peter blinked. “I - yeah, how’d you guess?”  
  
Johnny ran a hand over his face with a self-deprecating little laugh. “God, this is embarrassing - I recognized your name. I’m a little bit of a Spidey fan, you know? And everyone knows you take the best pictures of Spider-Man.”  
  
What.  
  
_WHAT_.  
  
_OH GOD_.  
  
“...do you want his number, or-?”  
  
Johnny laughed, and Peter could hear everyone turning to look at them but he couldn’t take his eyes off Johnny if he tried. “Oh Pete - no. No no no. If Spidey trusted you with that, no. Don’t give it to me. I’m sure he and I will run into each other next time something attacks New York.”  
  
“So, sometime in the next five minutes, then.”  
  
Johnny laughed again, looking a little startled, like he didn’t actually expect to laugh at that. “It does kinda feel that way, doesn’t it?” Johnny reached out and covered Peter’s hand with his own. “Right now, I _really_ want to know more about _you_ , Pete.”  
  
Peter couldn’t stop his blush, staring down at their hands like he couldn't believe this was happening. He couldn't, actually, believe this was happening. “There's not really much to tell? I’m a chemistry geek of the highest caliber, but science degrees are expensive, so I take pictures of Spider-Man.”  
  
“And sell them to the Daily Bugle, who shit all over the guy.”  
  
Peter shrugged a shoulder. “I don't like it any more than you, but I don't write the articles, you know? And this job lets me work around my class schedule - sort of. Crime waits for no organic chem test and all that - and JJ really does pay the best money out there for pictures.”  
  
Johnny nodded. “Here's a question - what else do you take pictures of?”  
  
Peter tipped his head back to the ceiling to think. “Well, I got a picture of the world's fattest pigeon the other day. Thing was bigger than my head. And, uh, MJ paid me to do a couple of headshots for her.”  
  
“What, no nudes?”  
  
Peter snorted. “What, mine or hers?”  
  
“I would never ask someone for another person's nudes. Yours, Pete.”  
  
Peter flushed and took a sip of his water. “I, uh, no, no nudes.”  
  
“Shame.”  
  
He wasn't sure what made him say it - Peter was honestly positive he took complete leave of his senses when he flipped his hand over under Johnny's and stroked his fingertips lightly over the inside of Johnny's wrist as he said “Maybe if our second date goes well, I’ll take some for you.”  
  
Johnny’s pulse jumped under Peter's fingertips. “A second date?”  
  
“Aren't we counting this as the first?”  
  
Johnny's pulse continued to race as he spoke, though it didn't show in his face. “I suppose that is the whole point of of this speed dating thing.” Johnny licked his lips nervously, completely short-circuiting Peter's brain. “You wanna get out of here so we can talk without being stared at?”  
  
“Are people staring?” Peter had completely forgotten about the others.  
  
“Actually, the fifteen minutes are up.”  
  
Peter looked up at Tiffany as she smiled at them - a much realer, less terrifying smile that made her nose wrinkle cutely when she did it. “Sorry,” Peter mumbled, feeling a blush creep up his neck.  
  
“Don't be! This is _literally_ what we’re here for! I’m glad tonight was a success for you two! Go and be happy!”  
  
Peter glanced to the side and stood, holding out his hand to Tiffany to shake as he leaned in. “Keep an eye on the others - Todd gives me a bad feeling.”  
  
Tiffany's eyes went wide for a moment, before she nodded. “Things are already in place - you aren't the first to mention it,” she murmured before pulling away and then, louder and more cheerfully “I’m so glad we could help you find each other!”  
  
“I will recommend this place to all my single friends,” Peter promised, and Johnny laced their fingers together as they walked out.  
  
“Where do you want to go, Pete? Different restaurant? My place? Your place? Paris?”  
  
Peter opened his mouth to jokingly say “Paris”, but what came out was “You can keep a secret, right Johnny?”  
  
“Yeah, why?”  
  
Peter dragged him into the alleyway and pressed Johnny up against the wall, too distracted by the catch in Johnny's breath to cringe over what was probably _on_ said wall. “Remember how I told you you'd run into Spider-Man soon?”  
  
“Mmhmm, literally five minutes ago, yeah.” Johnny was leaning in to kiss him, and Peter tilted his head to press his mouth close to Johnny's ear, catching the lobe in his teeth and making Johnny moan.  
  
“I _am_ Spider-Man.”  
  
Johnny went utterly still under him. “Seriously?!”  
  
Peter nodded, and kissed him. It felt like the most dangerous thing he’d ever done.  
  
Johnny kissed him back, whimpering. “Your place,” he mumbled against Peter's mouth.  
  
“Huh?”  
  
“Take me to your place - I want proof. And… and if you _are_ telling the truth, then. Well. The webbing sounds fun.”  
  
Peter was struck with the mental image of Johnny’s hands bound to Peter's headboard with Peter's webs, and he _moaned_ , pressing up harder against Johnny's body as he kissed him. “ _Yes_.”  
  
“Car’s this way-” Johnny tugged him out of the alleyway and down the street and Peter followed him, laughing.  
  
“Of course you'd drive in the city. My god, what kind of New Yorker are you?”  
  
“The kind who grew up on Long Island.”  
  
“I suppose I can forgive that,” Peter murmured, pressing Johnny up against his sleek and expensive-looking sports car to kiss him again, and Johnny laughed into it.  
  
Johnny laughing into their kisses, Peter decided, was the best thing in the universe.  
  
As Johnny drove them back to Peter's crappy apartment, his hand was stroking up and down the inseam of Peter's slacks and Peter shifted, resisting the urge to get Johnny's hand where he _really_ wanted it.  
  
This was the riskiest, possibly dumbest thing he’d ever done in his life since putting on spider-themed spandex and kicking crime in the face, but something about Johnny told Peter this would be worth it, in the end.  
  
Peter was more than willing to find out.

**Author's Note:**

> My first completed foray into Spideytorch! A thousand thanks to Traincat and timeladyromana, and also teenbrigade on tumblr for being really good sports about me asking questions and generally being a total goober.
> 
> Regrettably, this is my _only_ entry for Spideytorch week, as multiple hospital visits for multiple reasons and generally poor health cut into my writing time. Hopefully the other fics I had originally planned for this event will turn up here eventually!
> 
> The title for this fic was taken from the Nat King Cole song "Orange Colored Sky"


End file.
